princess diaries

2005-10-18T23:20:00.000+08:00

i'm pleased to announce that.... *drum roll* i have MOVED blog!!! haha... yes. new layout, new design. was getting a bit tired of this blog design and the fact that it didn't have a proper archive system which i hope works on the new one... lol... haha. oh well... check it out!!!

http://white-heels.blogspot.com/

toodles!

u jerk. does our friendship mean so little to u?

2005-10-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

Because of You - Kelly Clarkson

Because of you

I never stray to far from the sidewalk

Because of you

I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt

Because of you

I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me

Because of you

I am afraid

..... the perfect way to start my holidays.....

everything is so temporal... everything will fade away sooner or later...

thankfully God never fades away... if not, i wouldn't be around. You have to teach me what to do... because everything i'm doing now seems to be wrong... everything i say seems to hurt other people and then myself... and i can't just do nothing because it isn't gonna work also... help... help... help... i put my trust in You alone... You and only You... cos without You, i don't think i'll ever be able to face tomorrow.

toodles.

2005-10-10T13:36:00.000+08:00

lit was all right today i guess... tho when i got home and looked at my E1 exercise book which had most of the answers, i didn't get a few points for Othello... but argh... who cares... i'm gonna banish that cheeky lil book into my cupboard for the rest of my holidays!!!!!! yea!!!!

i can't wait for tomorrow!!!!! LIBERATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in approximately 27 and a half hours time!!! ooooo.... i can almost hear freedom calling out my name... muahahahahahaha...

i went to buy cologne for kor kor's birthday present today at holland v after lunch... then i did something very ma loo... after i paid and walked to the bus stop, i realised that the eau de toilette that i got didn't specifiy if its for men or women!!!! so i called up the store... heng i didn't throw away the receipt (yet!!!!)... it was all crumpled up in a lil ball waiting to be flung into any nearby dustbin. upon calling the shop, the manager happily told me that it was uni-sex... haha... yay... at least i didn't waste my money and time... i stood there for like half an hour sniffling and sniffling colognes like mad... from Calvin Klein to Hugo Boss before finally deciding on Adidas... haha... i'm such a clown. >.< i think my nose is spoilt le.

i shall go and take a SHORT nap... before i start. altho the short part is a bit subjective... but yes, i need to sleep. woke up at 3.30 am this morning to mug Othello... was feeling a groggy... plus, i was planning to sleep at 11.30pm last night but never really got to sleep till 1am... which is horrible... i woke up feeling as tho the stars were revolving around me and the pull of gravity on my head towards the floor was slightly more than the rest of my body... haha... actually, last night it was my own fault for not sleeping... was thinking of too many things... too many unnecessary things... and then keep other people up also... paisae...

i had a great time today at lunch at BK with the girls... pam (who left her alarm clock ringing in her lovely bag during the exam... her rewards was a special lil talk with mr eka tanu after the paper...), jolene (blur as ever... sitting on the other table in her own lil bubble as usual...), debbie (who brought her baby teeth today to show us!?!?!?!), ethel and amaria who were discussing about intellect, getting attached and scooter songs, and last but not least, matthew... (u will pay for saying that i look like the clock, whatever his name is, in Beauty and the Beast... muahahahahaha... pls la... the clock is a MALE!!!!) and the 3 beng looking gangsters that were sitting very near us, talking abt ponning school, making money and saying F every 5 minutes... oh well... yesh yesh... can't wait for promos to end... which is tomorrow!!!! yay.

the sofa is beckoning me... nap time...

toodles.

eeee... lit tomorrow.

2005-10-09T19:44:00.000+08:00

lit papers tomorrow... i'm thoroughly unprepared. freaking out... yes and i am only left with about one day to study the whole human geog syllabus... so much for 'last-minute-hug-buddha-leg' haha... i shouldn't even be blogging... haha... this is quite bad...

i just realised today that people actually read my blog... ok, i'm not saying that i didn't know blogs are meant for random people to read, but yea, just certain unexpected people read my blog... like... kay... today i just realised that you read my blog... yes, happiness... thank u... =) yay. do tag if u read my blog next time k??? =)

yeap... church was awesome as usual today... quite excited for band practice on friday... whoar... i'll probably stink at your house hannah, due to the fact that we have AC games on that day... i hope i don't fall asleep while playing keyboard or singing... lol... yes yes, i'm excited nonetheless...

this whole week has been a really trying week... everyone is so so so so so so busy... yeah... oh well... i'm just a bit sad that this busy-ness is gaining importance in our lives... haha...

can't wait for the exams to be over... then can go out and shop shop shop and hang out with friends and i'll be able to have my long sessions of quiet time with papa... yay... =) looking forward to that a lot...

ok i think i gotta go now... haha...

toodles.

everything i do is for Your glory Lord, and nothing else. ^-^

mid exam break...

2005-10-07T17:32:00.000+08:00

i think i've been slacking too much... haha... went to cut hair this morning... my stylist wasn't available so i had to cut under my ex-stylist who is very (how should i put it) careful not to thin down too much of my puffy hair... but the thing is, I WANT MY HAIR THINNED DOWN MORE... yes, and she doesn't seem to be getting the picture... so she didn't do much, perhaps layered a bit more of my already layered hair... SAM... where are u? why is your offdays on friday?!?!?!!? hahaha... never mind... i'm actually quie thankful she did an ok job today... yes, esther, u must be thankful. lol. ^-^

i just realised that there's something really thought provoking for me that's pasted in front of my momsy's com:

Strong woman vs A woman of strength

- A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to heep her soul in shape. =)

- A strong woman isn't afriad of anything... but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear. =)

- A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her... but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone. =)

- A strong woman walks sure footedly... but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls. =)

- A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face... but a woman of strength wears grace. =)

- A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey... but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong. =)

wow... such powerful words... *faints* haha. i'm not sure if the above is relevent at all to u girls out there... but it is tremendously to me. i guess, in my life, there's always been this search for independence... to be THE INDEPENDENT WOMAN. lol. yes... but no, i'm not a feminist. in fact, i'm not even very feminine... lol. very chor lor... =P haha. but yes, nonetheless always aiming to be independent... and hey, guess what, many a times in my journey towards independence, i fall into the trap of being the Strong woman... i guess, the definition of strength is really questioned here... that's why the bible tells us in Isaiah 40:29-31 "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might; he increaseth strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk , and not faint."

cool sia? haha... very encouraging... i mean... i'm sure everyone has been physically tired before... i'm totally drained from studying for promos... when our physical bodies start to show signs of tiredness, that's when we have to be really careful... cos, more often than not we are also mentally tired when we are physically tired cos our minds control our feelings. and when that happens... that's when we have to really soak and i really mean soak ourselves in God's word. because our mental tiredness will translate into spiritual tiredness soon and that is when the devil will take advantage of our weaknesses. yes... that cheeky devil. haha. don't want him getting a foothold in any part of my life... lol...

okie dokes... i think i'd better return to Othello... and urbanization... -.-

toodles.

study buddies!!! mid exam break

2005-10-06T19:00:00.000+08:00

yay!!! today is thursday!!! last paper of the week!!! i'm so worn out... yes... i feel like a soldier back from the battle field... combatting the evil DOCTOR PROMOS. lol.

this entry is dedicated to my dear study buddies... yes, we can make it thru this period. u girls rock man!!! i just love studying with u... today's Haagen Diaz 'Mid exam break' was excellent!!! i really enjoyed it... i don't know how i'd be able to survive these promo days with u girls... its been awesome. you people are just God's blessing to me!!!! muaks. yes, i will never ever forget the times when we study till we are all about to keel over and die... overdose of math, geog, lit, econs... whoar... and then we will take a break and laugh at Jolene's very 'interesting/' childhood experiences and how she doesn't want to have kids... and all the random lil things that just make our lives more interesting... hahahahaha... not to mention the CSAGNB (caves, stacks and stumps, arches, geos, notches, blowholes... or whatever u wanna call it.... muahahahahah...) yes... i'd never really thought that our class would bond like this... yay... true friends are found in adversities, don't u agree with me? lol.

i realise that its so hard to thank God for things when the going gets tough... or rather... when things don't go your way... like this morning... i mean, i didn't start studying for physical geog till... this morning... yes... its my own fault... i should have started it earlier... and those who take geog would know that it is as good as mission impossible to pass if u study only hours before the exam starts... but yes, the other papers needed my attention so i just put geog aside... or rather tried my best to study it but never really got to it cos the chapter that i started with was the most unfamiliar... yeap. so anyway, this morning i got up and started studying geog... and i was all prepared to die for geog today... i was practically shaking when i went into the exam venue... i was quivering with anxiety, running a slight temperature and very sure that i would come out crying... i had prayed about 3 times today that i would remember everything that i had crammed in this morning... but somehow it never seemed to be real to me... i went in with the 'Lord, whatever i do, its all for Your glory' feeling in me... cos seriously... i had zero confidence...

but i came out of the exam hall later... and felt that the paper was pretty all right... i managed it... quite all right... not that i am super sure i do well, but i felt this peace in me because i could handle the questions fairly well... and my time management for once was good. and so all glory to God... i mean, yeah. i realised that, hey, u shouldn't even put your confidence in yourself... because your confidence in everything u do should be in God... yes... and i'm not saying this cos i feel all happy and holy right now... i'm saying this cos i'm really encouraged that God's strength was truely made perfect in my weakness... and i can trust Him more now... yes... and for the coming exams... i'm gonna just do my best and put my confidence in Him.

yay. i'm feeling happy... maybe its the ice cream... ^-^ cookies and cream rocks, man!!!

toodles.

2005-10-04T20:42:00.000+08:00

i'm tired... i'm really very tired... i'm sick and tired of myself... my attitude... my emo-ness... everytime i think of how i can mood swing so unconsciously i just feel like pulling all my hair out.

yes, and the exam stress is making me worse... each time i think of who i am; every waking moment i remember i belong to a class called AHRED i feel strangled... and why doesn't anyone realise... i don't know... there are so many things in my mind... but... i can't say anything... i don't want to be a burden, or a load to anyone... everyone has their own share of problems already. and besides, i don't know where to start in the first place...

i surrender.................................... to you Lord.

i don't want to be called a christian but not act like one... i don't want to say things but yet never really seem to practice them... want to stop being this stupid freak. this person that sometimes even i cannot recognise...

i keep hurting people... the very people that i treasure... why can't i ever seem to do anything right? why am i always so selfish?

this pruning process is just so painful... >.<

toodles.

exam tomorrow...

2005-10-02T19:46:00.000+08:00

i'm so selfish... i need to stop being so selfish... because it is really not about me.

John12:27-28
"Now my heart is troubled, and what shall i say? 'Father save me from this hour'? No it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father glorify your name!"

indeed why do we struggle?

Isaiah 48:10-11
"I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For MY own sake, for My own sake, I will act."

1 Corinthians 8:6
"There is only one God, the Father, who created everything, and we exist for him."

that's all i want to say.

toodles.

ponned school.

2005-09-28T07:28:00.000+08:00

yo... the only possible reason why i'm able to blog so early on a wednesday morning when half the student population of AC is in school is because.... muahahahaha... of a self declared holiday!!! lol... enigma for ponning school. lol. =)

anyway i was reading my little devotional book today when i came across something that i never really realised... the book 'the father heart of God' by Floyd McClung says, ' God's love is not based on performance. He loves us because he is love. God's promises are conditional; we must obey him to see blessing, but his love is unconditional.'

i had like goosebumps when i read that... it was so... comforting... and so... assuring... whoar... =)

i was immediately remembered of a song that we used to sing for chapel in MG primary:

His love
His love is warmer than the warmest sunshine;
Softer than a sigh.
His love is deeper than the deepest ocean;
Wider than the sky.
His love is brighter than the brightest star;
that shines every night above.
And there is nothing in this world that can ever change
His love.

yesh... and now i feel this super warm fuzzy feeling inside me... today is going to be such a fruitful day... i can just feel it... yeah. all glory to Him.

toodles.

free period 27 sept

2005-09-27T09:02:00.000+08:00

having free period now and the computer lab is closed... so i had to adjurn to the library... oh well... did a little bit of econs on short run cost a while ago and then started eating at the oldham top level study area when mr tanu and cheryl came... then i had to hide all remnants of food and crumbs lest he gave me a demerit point for consuming anything.

i'm quite disappointed in myself... its been a week already and i haven't gotten much work done... i mean, look the syllabus isn't very very huge... or very very extensive... its just terribly in depth and every chapter takes more than a day to be done with. which is really really bad cos i'm moving at slug speed. sigh... quite depressing when i think about how much more work i have in store for me... argh...

lately i have been unable to control my thoughts... is been going crazy... i get emo so easily and the devil just takes over... things running through my mind like no body's business... i'm getting fidgity again... i know the reason... i have not been able to soak myself with God's word during these few weeks while studying and so the devil is making full use of this lack in His word... its my fault... grrr... but i seriously have a lot of work to do... and i feel asleep last night while reading econs which i am not supposed to... and i couldn't get up at 2.30am this morning to finish up on my studying... as usual i woke up at 6.15am when my dad came into the room to wake us up... argh... yes... but then again i don't want to give myself excuses for being emo... like blame it all on stress because i can choose not to be emo... but i let my thoughts get the better of me... T.T

oh well.. i shall continue during pw later... or during recess.... i have totally lost my appetite for food... i think eating is like a total waste of time now...

toodles.

worried

2005-09-24T20:47:00.000+08:00

today was a nice day... went to school at around 10 am in the morning for E1 which was terribly beneficial. thank u mrs creffield... you are a great teacher. after that we (deb, me, ruth, amaria, ethel, jolene and sam) went down to dover market for lunch... i actually wanted to go home and do revision already... but i didn't... instead i went back to school and studied with the girls. we had an awesome time... u guys rock man... we had a really wonky time, but yeah... i just love u people. muaks.

by around 6.30pm everyone had left except for me and amria who was going to church for the night. and yeah, we had a really nice talk. it was really cool talking to her... we talked loads about things that i never thought i'd be able to share and i was actually quite pleased that we managed to share about God with Sonya (aa1) while we were studying... woo hoo... yep. i guess this is what God calls sowing the seeds. =)

i don't know... i've always questioned God's real plan for me... sometimes i wonder... God, why on earth do u put me in such situations... why put me through so much trials and temptations... why why why?

i've been reading Max Lucardo's 'It's Not About Me' these few days and really meditating on the things that God has revealed through the book. the first chapter talks about 'Bumping Life off Self Centre' and truely, everything in it spoke directly to me... we do live in an awfully self centred world. i admit, i've more than once been extremely self centred... but the scary thing is, i realise that self centredness is not always something that people do consciously... it is sometimes an unconscious act.

Max Lucardo's book reads: 'When God looks at the centre of the universe, he doesn't look at you. When heaven's stagehands direct the spotlight towards the star of the show, I need no sunglasses,. No light falls on me. Lesser orbs, that's us. Appreciated. Valued. Loved dearly. But central? Essential? Pivotal? Nope. Sorry. Contrary to the Ptolemy within us, the world does not revolve around us. Our comfort is not God's priority. If it is, something's gone awry. If we are the marquee event, how do we explain flat-earth challenges like death, disease, slumping economics, or rumbling earthquakes? If God exists to please us, then shouldn't we always be pleased?'

thought provoking huh? never realised how selfish we are in thoughts and deeds? lol... i must admit that i'm guilty sometime or another of such thoughts... but that's not all... there's more...

'We've been demanding our way and stamping our feet since infancy. Aren't we all born with a default drive set on selfishness? I want a spouse who makes me happy and coworkers who always ask my opinion. I want weather that suits me and traffic that helps me and a government that serves me. It is all about me... Can you imagine an orchestra with an "it's all about me" outlook? Each artist clamouring for self expression. Tubas blasting nonstop. Percussionists pounding to get attention. The cellist shoving the flutist out of the centre-stage chair. The trumpeter standing atop the conductor's stool tooting his horn. Sheet music disregarded. Conductor ignored... Harmony? hardly. Happiness? Are the musicians happy to be in the group? Not at all. Who enjoys contributing to a cacophony? You don't. We don't. We were not made to live this way. But aren't we guilty of doing just that?'

aren't those words terribly true. doesn't it just hit you where it hurts? are we not all guilty of being so selfish many a times and expecting God to do things for us... are we not meant everytime we come to Him to humble our hearts and truely seek His face and not His hands?

Max Lucardo continues, saying: 'What would happen if we took our places and played our parts? If we played the music the Maestro gave us to play? If we made his song our highest priority? ... We'd see our suffering differently. "My pain prives God's absence" would be replaced with "My pain expands God's prupose." ... Life makes sense when we accept our place. The gift of pleasures, the purpose of problems - all for him. The God- centred life works. And it rescues us from a life that doesn't. '

such true words. sometimes when we face just trial in our lives and find that its very hard to go on, we question God about why He allows such things to be in our lives... trials do come and will come, whether its a Christian or non-Christian, trials are bound to be there in your life... yet, how you deal with these situations are very important and the conscious choice to make God your focus despite your trials is the ultimate test.

Habakkuk 3:17 - 19:
'Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the feilds produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet i will rejoice in the Lord, i will be joyful in God my Saviour. The Soveriegn Lord is my strength; hje makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.'

Habakkuk prayer this prayer to God during something that would be of great calamity to him. think of it this way, the crops he planted were failing, there were no more livestock in the pen or stalls. everything was barren. YET, he chose to trust in the Lord and be joyful? you might think he is insane. if it sounds foreign, let me give you an analogy that would apply to us a bit better... if you start failing your tests, and your best friend went overseas (or worse, backstabs u... meeps.) and everyone around you is having problems of their own which they unknowingly unload on you and make u feel really really tired... what would u do? would u be like Habakkuk?

The Lord never fails to assure us that, yes He is there and He will always be there for us as long as we cling oh so tightly on Him and fix our eyes on Him and Him alone, knowing that He will see us through our trials and tribulations. The devil never fails to come and attack us whenever he sees that we are walking closer and closer to God, but will we let him shake our firm foundation? DUH NO. lol. The devil has been in existance ever since the beginning of the earth so he knows full well man's nature and weaknesses and it is no wonder that we are often attacked at our weakest points. but still God assures us that He is there to watch over us, and yes, not once, not twice, but over and over and over again in the bible that He is there for us.

Isaiah 40: 26-31
'Look up into the ehavens! Who created all these stars? As a shepherd leads his sheep, calling each by its pet name, and counts them to see that none are lost or strayed, so God does with stars and planets! O Jacob, O Israel, how can you say that the Lord doesn't see your troubles and isn't being fair? Don't you yet understand? Don't you know by now that the everlasting God, the Creator of the farthest part of the earth, never grows faint or weary? No one can fathom the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak. Even youths shall be exhausted, and the young men will all give up. But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.'

Isaiah 43:2
'When you walk through the waters, i will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walkthrough the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.'

1 Corinthians 10:12-13
'So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to men. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.'

so many times He assures us that His love for us never fails and that we sinply have to trust in Him in every situation, every step of the way, and He will carry us through it because of the perfect plan He has for us. Trust that in His master plan, everything will be all right because the conductor of the orchestra knows the music best. He knows what is the best way to shape the music just as long as you fix your eyes on Him and trust Him with all your heart and by doing so, you are no longer having the 'its all about me' attitude. instead, your focus would be on Him and Him always. yeap.

wow... hmm... such a simple thing: trust. yet, sometimes, so difficult to exercise... lol. =)

ok... i need to go and bathe le.

toodles!

2005-09-20T21:13:00.000+08:00

ahhhh... promos... ahhhh... like in less than 2 weeks?!?!?!?!

i started freaking out just now while doing econs on stupid Demand and Supply. seriously... i know all this stuff... its just that i'm very lazy to revise it... which shouldn't be the case... argh.

today was a trying day... a lot of ups and downs... first thing in the morning i realised that we were supposed to hand in our WRs for turn-it-in by recess or lunch and not during PW period later in the day... so i was forced to give up recess and skip E1 lesson... yes, majority of 1ahred was cramped up in computer lab 3.2 trying desperately to either do their conclusions or edit their WRs. there was tension in the air, no doubt about it... and everyone in the group was high strung... especially me... samuel looked extremely relaxed though... aiyarh... i just get very kan chiong over work larh... especially last minute work like this... pw... argh... just go away.

later in the day everything went smoothly. lectures, tutorials... actually the day passed quite quickly. and when we finally ended school, i went to study with ethel, ruth, amaria, samuel, gayle, jolene, debs... basically lots of ahred ppl. we had a cool time study. i really liked the fact that ethel and i did a little session with our Dad before we started. yeap. was reading verses from my quiet time and it really spoke to me.

exodus 33:14-17
' The Lord replied,"My Presence will go with you, and i will give you rest. Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pelased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" And the Lord said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name." '

when i read it, it really spoke to me. even when i'm typing it out now, it is still speaking to me and i do believe that God gave me this verse for the purpose of the promos. i guess, the promos are the biggest obstacle that is before me (and possibly you reading this) and it ain't going to be an easy obstacle. mrs wilson was talking about preparing yourself for the trials so that you will be able to overcome them and not just look at the trials and think OH MY GOODNESS... this is so difficult. similarly, Moses needed help from God to overcome the biggest problem he was facing at the moment: leading the people of Israel. he was leading a herd of grumpy, complaining and complacent people who had constantly disregarded the goodness of God although it had been proven to them time and time again that God was faithful to them and would bring them safely to the Promise land from Egypt. God's assurance to Moses was that He would always be with him and never leave him and in Him, Moses would never be tired but would be able to have peace. yet, Moses wanted to further affirm God's commitment and covenant with him and the people of Israel and God affirmed and assured him and established His covenant with Moses once again.

i guess the knowledge that God is going to be there for us always comforts me a lot. to know that when i am weak He is strong and i can count on Him. to know that i am His chosen people and set apart for God is a feeling that no words can be used to describe. to know that i am His PRINCESS and he will continually watch over me even through my promos and my everyday revision is enough for me. Moses wanted God to say to him 'HEY!!! i'm here for you always!!!' and God did explicitly. and today while reading the verses, it spoke to me explicitly too. that even as God was there for Moses his servant, what more His PRINCESS and baby girl whom He has been faithful to all her life. to know that His goodness is everlasting and His faithfulness endures forever is more than just comforting. its an awesome feeling... a feeling that will make you wanna jump for joy!!! :)

i was singing 'Now that you're near' on the road to the mrt station with beatrice. and it really described how i was feeling at that time and even now.

Hold me in Your arms, never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with You
And now that You're near, everything is different
Everything's so different, Lord
I know i'm not the same
My life You've changed
I wanna be with You
I wanna be with You

amen.

all right, i gotta go bathe and do lit now...

toodles.

eternity

2005-09-20T21:01:00.000+08:00

eternity by deb fung

chorus:
my friend you are the apple of my eye

light of my heart

i don't know if you know how much

You mean to me

each day i pray for you

that Jesus reaches you

for you know that i want you with me in eternity

verse:
i see your heart

and i believe in you

you're set apart

for the One who made you made me

cross paths with you

as we do life together

can you just always remember

i am here for you

verse 2:
when you feel tired

when you feel lonely, uninspired

lift your eyes to heaven

there, friend is your Comforter and strength

when you rejoice in blessing

something in you might start guessing that God is watching over you

bridge:
if i have failed to show you accurately

i'm in love with the God who loves me more than anything

and its not like He has chosen to just favour me

i was just blessed to have somebody share His love with me

i just LOVE this song... ^-^

2005-09-19T21:33:00.000+08:00

today was great.

though i slept really late last night trying to complete my lit, and gp... yeah... i'm sorry God, i fell into semi-consciousness while Mrs Rosalind Tan was giving chapel... paisae. i felt quite cheated today cos i did my gp essay outline and my gp AQ and no... Dollz didn't go through anything of that at all... like... what the... haha... but at least i managed to get all my gp work done larh so i wouldn't have to keep procrestinating about it... lol.

i'm so proud of my pw group!!! we finished doing our pw!!! yay!!! our hard work paid off. yeah man... u guys just rock my socks... we managed to pull thru!!! all glory to God, man!!! woo hoo.

we celebrated ethel's birthday in school today... it was really cool. i was the gong-kia and gave ethel her birthday present last week thinking that i got the date mixed up but i didn't... argh... how to explain leh? i was just really malu... blur like a sotong... haha. but today shaun bought cake from Bengawan Solo and so me and abel and cheryl were like wondering where was he cos his class was having pe when we were having recess. to our horror, he had plonked the cake at the very table which ethel was at... and yes, we later heard that she had actually pretended that she didn't see any of that happen... lol.. shaun... u are the champion. yeah. that was not all. while we were poking the candles into the cake:

me: (takes one candle) this one is a big one... (takes another candle) this one is a big one too... how many big candles did the cakeshop give?

cheryl: (looks in the bag, fumbles a little) one.. two.. three... err... seven...

me, cheryl, abel: -_-"

abel: i think we will just have to wish a happy seventy-teenth birthday...

yes, as it turns out, shaun told the uncle at the counter 'seventeen' but apparently it was heard as 'seventy'... yes... how smart, but we will forgive the poor uncle and give him a break. :)

yeap. studied at Junction 8 today... it was awesome... had a better time making friends than studying. but oh well, its much better to be in the fellowship of God's people rather than to be accompanied by a pile of lecture notes... haha.

the daily devotion that i recently got 'its not about me' by max lucardo is just great. i can't wait to read it again later... i feel that God is really speaking to me more and more each day and i find myself being unable to wait for the next opportunity to read His word and just soaking myself in it. whoar... if only i could do that every single moment of my life... that would just be ideal... :)

all right then... i gotta go bathe and study now... God bless.

toodles.

2005-09-18T18:59:00.000+08:00

church today was awesome like always. :) just realised that church camp is coming up really fast and i've hardly had much time to practice the songs with the band... sorry guys... i know we are all really busy... paisae. kay, i hope you've been practicing... to liz and jessica i'll send u guys the chords once i find the word doc which i saved the chords under... meeps. yay... can't wait till we practice again!!

sigh, i'm getting FAT. don't u try and dissuade me from thinking such thoughts, especially abel and mark, i know that i am getting fat. i haven't been exercising much these few weeks, plus everytime my class has pe we'd be playing frisbee... like how much exercise can u get? the best is when we have single period pe and the teacher comes to take attendance only 20 minutes into the lesson and by the time we get the frisbee there is only 10 to 15 minutes left. then the guys in the class (grand total of 4) would happily go and join some random class that's playing soccer instead... ok la, except andre who is nice enough to play with the 23 of us. lol. but the point is, we just stand in a circle and start randomly throwing the stupid thing around. if i remember vividly, the last single period pe we had was spent first playing freeze and melt for like 5 minutes, before we all got tired of the game and then stood in a circle and played monkey with the frisbee. bobby and samuel was with the random soccer class till like the last 2 minutes of the period. yes, so i've hardly been getting much exercise... tell me how to burn the carbs that i've been consuming?!?!?!

speaking of exercise, i guess God wants us to exercise what we have learnt in our Spiritual walk with Him. frankly, there's no point in merely absorbing all the wonderful teachings that pastors and evangelists and spiritual teachers have been feeding us with. if u didn't already realise, if you haven't been doing much exercise, you're most probably obese. yes, so full of God's word that u are reluctant to get your butt off your seat and share it. it doesn't mean u can't be overflowing with God's word, its just that if u are overflowing but u are not sharing it, it is going to just saturate in your body and no one is going to benefit from it except u. then again, if u haven't been absorbing God's word, you'll be skinny and weak and underweight. which practically equals to u being unable to help anyone with their walk with God when they face trials and need some encouragement too cos u are weak as well. if u are constantly starved of God's word then it is practically impossible for u to encourage or even support anyone else cos u are having problems yourself already. its as though the mildest wind would just blow your feeble frame away. how sad. lol. so anyway, exercising your faith is good. i'm not a great fan of exercising, but... hmm... i'm trying my best. yes and i guess with a God's help i'll be just fine. tee hee...

i bought 2 new shirts from Giordano today... feeling very accomplished cos i haven't shopped for eyons. lol. i just love my new Disney shirts from Giordano... plus, i got a new devotional book from Zion bookshop. by max lucardo. me and my momsy are very into it. whoar, its terrific. its called... It's not about me. excellent stuff. :)

ok i think i'd better get back to math soon... hahahaha.

toodles.

ps. honyi, i'm not mad, neither do i have mental problems. i understand your concerns for me darhling... but i'm just really happy... and ya... hahahahaha. i'm so glad that u care about me... awwwww... *heart melting* thanks babe. btw, gerry is flying off today... a bit sad cos i couldn't go and see her off...

outing suggested by nick to nad's house

2005-09-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

today was a great day... had a really good time with nick... haha. i've never seen him so excited over a toy car in my life... yes the Peurgot 206 (spelling...). he called me just to tell me that he found it... i was like... OKAY... hahahahahaha... he's hilarious lar. *just in case nads u happen to read this entry, NO, i'm not about to tell u where he found the car... muahahahaha* we had lunch at the JE food court and then we adjourned to nad's house with the present and cards.

nick really showed me the louser side of him today... like... goodness... yes, i shall not embarrass him further just in case someone is reading this... tee hee... other than that everything went ok... other than the part where i crashed into all the gift boxes at the gift shop while searching for a box and when i spilled super nice watermelon juice all over nadine's lovely table... now its my turn to sound like a louser. haha. we stayed at nad's house till near 5, yes we talked for really long, like from 3 .15 till 5... haha. nick had the honour of tuning nad's mum's guitar. tee hee. then went to westmall's macs to study for a few hours. big thanks to nad's mum for sending us there... if not i would have to spend $$ of cab fare. yes, i was bent on taking a cab cos i was super tired liao. then nick left to have dinner with his family at Sakae Sushi. yup. that's about it.

oh well... i just realised that i've been losing quite a lot of things this past week and everything... but God never fails to remind me of my things... really. if not they'd just be gone and i wouldn't even notice. i think i'm developing goldfish memory... haha.

i did very little work today... quite disappointed with myself... argh. i have to do more work tomorrow... all right then... need to dry my hair, its like dripping wet.

toodles.

anger

2005-09-16T22:39:00.000+08:00

today started off not so well. i had GP essay outline test so i was scrambling to finish writing my GP mind map on education and enviornment this morning. yes i was compelled to wake up at 4.30 am tho i postponed it by half an hour just to get a lil more sleep. when i finally managed to dig myself out of my comfortable nest, i washed up and went out into the living room. to my pleasent surprise, the wind was very strong... that was odd, i thought. to my horror, when i looked out at the sky, the gigantic cumilonimbus clouds were grey... signs of the call of nature... showers of blessing at 6.45am in the morning... not exactly the ideal way of starting a friday morning... scrambling out of the house, i ran to the bus stop and managed to catch the bus. God is really faithful to me... each time i pray on the way to the bus stop that i need Him to let the bus come a lil slower and lag a bit cos i have to cross 2 short junctions, He never fails to honour His word.

i got to school slightly wet by the pee from the clouds, but that was refreshing, or so i thought it was. then throughout the day, i really felt God's goodness and mercy towards me... seriously, i've been having lack of sleep these few weeks. due to homework and revision i have to more often than not sacrifice my beauty sleep and wake up at the most unearthly hours of 4 am and setting more than 5 alarms just so that i don't oversleep. yes, i am not joking... sometimes even with 2 handphones, one on each side of the bed with the morning alarm blasting into your ears at 3.30am it is still not an easy task to be awaken from your slumber.

God has really been guiding my path this week. and i find myself more and more dependent on Him each day... to the point where i find that it is impossible for me to go on one day without looking at His word and consulting Him about the major decisions in my life. truely, without God, i'd be dead. of course, without those He put in my life along the way i'd be extremely lonely and extremely sad.

i guess God spoke to me a bit about anger and guarding my feelings. having a high S personality, it is typical for one to be very emo. yes... but i don't think that should be an excuse for not being able to control my feelings especially anger. i guess i've always had this problem. just that it wasn't so real to me until maybe this year and especially the past few months. someone once told me that people react in certain ways because of 3 things that go on in their mind. one, someone says something. words goes into your head. two, u feel a certain way and then three, u act upon it. example: someone says something hurtful. the words goes into your head, u feel hurt and angry and then u act hurt and angry. therefore words are of extreme importance. but more than that, many people (including myself till this special person told me) that before the feeling gets to u, it goes into your head, then u have a thought, then u develop a feeling after processing that thoughtand finally u act upon the feeling. truely, the bible mentions that we should watch over our actions and to guard our hearts.

1 Thessalonians 5:6 -
'So then, let us not be like others, who are asleep, but let us be alert and self controlled.'

i found that it is quite impossible to be self controlled without the help of the Holy Spirit and with God through the renewal of your mind. i remember my sunday school teacher telling me that the Spirit man that lives within our hearts is always holy. it is only through the renewal of our minds that the Spirit man can ultimately cause our actions to be in line with the word of God cos an unrenewed mind would be unable to comprehend and exemplify God's will.

i know that i'm not a person who gets extremely angry. i might be momentarily pissed but i won't go to the extreme of getting mad. rarely. unless u provoke me to no end, then perhaps. but i realise that the momentary getting pissed side of me is slowly creeping into my personality. perhaps i never really noticed... but the fact is, each time i was momentarily pissed, it became a habit. such that even if my intention was not to get angry, i would through the frequency of my getting pissed increased. and i never really noticed such a change. thankfully God pointed it out to me in time. yes. He is every faithful and even when He rebukes us, He knows how to do it in the best way.

Colossians 3:8 -
'But you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and flithy language from your lips.'

yes... i hope u have noticed that in the 'u must rid yourself' checklist, the first on the list says anger. yes... truely, anger can drive a person who is of utmost rationality to madness. no pun intended on the going mad part. sometimes people wonder why their prayers are not answered. i find that most of the time, it is either because there are certain issues in your life that have either not been cleared up or u do not know about yet, or God has simply said no, it is in His due time and not yours. but on the point of not clearing up issues, anger is certainly one of the major issues.

yes, God is good always. and i always feel so safe the know that i'm in His loving arms 24/7.

i chanced upon my dad's very ancient looking paraphrased version of the bible and i liked the way they defined love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -
'Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way. It is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever thruth wins out. If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what cost. You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.'

wow... yeah... really powerful words. same verses i have been reading for a major long time but never had so much impact in my life... :)

i think there's something wrong with my com... it seems to be lagging big time these few days... what's wrong with u lappie???? >.<

okay then... its late... i need to bathe... hahaha... i could keep going at this forever... haha.

toodles.

2005-09-15T21:12:00.000+08:00

my second entry today... yes, not that i'm very free... its just that God has been exceptionately faithful to me today. really... when u think that everything is falling apart, when situations go out of comtrol, God never fails to remind us that as long as we commit it to Him and trust in Him, knowing that He will oversee all situations, everything will turn out fine.

today as i said, my form teacher was upset with us for not coming to school yesterday. yes, the mass pon session. she was disappointed. and i can feel for her disappointment, cos HEY, we are AHRed. and she felt that it was irresponsible of us to be ponning school that day especially when she felt that it was a good opportunity for class bonding. i guess when she told us about it in GP lesson i wanted to laugh, cos the thought of 5 people sitting in the first row of the school hall is totally hilarious. but it later got to me because during the GP lesson we were discussing about legalisation of gay marriages and we (amaria, ethel and i) felt that we couldn't really witness to her about how we felt that moral values and religion are just tied up together. and when we talked about religion, we just felt that we were really not being and acting Christ like in anyway from our mass ponning session yesterday. and it would be really hypocritical to be talking about it in GP class as though we are very righteous because we really did something that was not right at all. and yes, during pe, we felt terrible. it was as though every prick of the conscience hurt like mad. i think it was especially bad for me. God really let me feel how disappointed my teacher felt and how inappropreate it was for me to have not gone to school yesterday even though if i really wanted to, i could. sure i was sick, but if i really wanted to i could have gone to school. it wasn't as tho i was like dying. so i just felt really terrible. like a sinner. and i just felt impressed to talk to my teacher about it and just seek forgiveness. it was really difficult. especially when i didn't really know what to say. but God is faithful and He is always for us repenting for our sins. so ya, i had a small little talk with my form teacher during lunch. i told her that i was really sorry for acting as such. and i really felt relieved after i did talk to her. as tho there was a big load off my shoulders. God is really good. :)

another thing that happened... whoar this is like some drama serial... haha. i borrowed John Sloman's Economics book fro the library, that thick ginormous thing and carried it around school... but, i was stupid enough to forget about it and somehow only realise after school in the hub that i did not have it with me. i almost died. yes, that fat library book would burn a hole in my pocket to pay for it and so i ran from hub to 6th floor to 2nd floor to library to General office... basically everywhere just searching for it. ethel was fantastic, she helped me all the way never failing to accompany me up and down the lift from floor to floor searching for that book. we commited it to God and were kinda thankful that at least we knew that it was in school. somehow after rationalizing which classrooms were possibly venues where i had left the book, i was prompted to call huron, since clement had already left school cos his class came in after ours when we left for lit. and TA DA!!!! huron said that nick seow from his class took it and put it in some other classroom on level 2. it was like... -_-"... but i was really really thankful. thankful that God had everything in His hands and i didn't have to be overly worried about it. thankful that nick seow had actually taken it cos yay, at least someone i know has it, tho he put it in another class, but that's not the point. thankful that huron took note of the book and was able to comtact nick seow. thankful that everything was all right by 6pm. thankful that although it was my fault in losing the book and goofed up, God had provided a way out for me. yay. God is truely faithful. :)

all rightio. i need to go and do my mind maps now for GP essay outline test tomorrow... yay. joyfulness... haha.

toodles.

free period

2005-09-15T11:36:00.000+08:00

its free period now... in the com lab cos apparently there are no more computers that are available in the library. everyone is dota-ing... like... -_-". nicholas and joshua from aa5 are here too... and they seem to be doing some word document... looks like written report... or at least joshua seems to be doing written report. dunno about nicholas. tee hee.

i'm getting quite paranoid for the promos. yes, we have only a lil bit more than 2 weeks? which is like how little time? yes. and i do want my 4 As or at least, try to get my 4 As. i just realised that John Sloman is really one good lecturer. his book is like awesome. i kinda read the chapter on Central Problems of Economics last night without falling asleep or letting my mind wander. yes, i aim to continue doing that till the promos and even after that. i just realised today that econs really isn't that bad... i'm qutie worried now for math tho, cos i don't really understand curve sketching which everyone claims is one of the easier chapters. like AHHHH.... haha. yeah. but then again, God wants us to trust in Him and not to worry about anything. i guess God didn't just say 'Do not worry about anything' for nothing. but i guess it also means that God wants us to make full use of everyday as not to regret and at the same time, not to fret about the coming days cos He has great plans for us. yes. ok. i'm feeling calm now...

whoar i must really thank God. today i forgot to bring all my other lit texts. which mr eka tanu would happily have thrown me out of class and asked me to beg borrow or steal all the other books for his lesson. but God kinda got ethel to sit next to me during assembly so i asked her if i could borrow her sister's lit texts since racheal (ethel's sister) is in J2 and would have all the lit texts. and YES!!! he answered my prayer... yay. praise God.

my form teacher scolded our class today. it was kinda expected since 21 people out of 27 people ponned yesterday. yup.

oh well. time for lit now... a teacher just came in and like scolded all the people playing dota... whoar... God really sees everything. =)

toodles.

2005-09-14T23:36:00.000+08:00

i'm sick... no doubts about it... i woke up feeling faint and feverish and each time my dad came into the room to get me to wake up i would just fall right back to sleep. my head was throbbing upon getting out of the bed. apparently, a grand total of 5 people came to school today from my class which has an attendance of 27? like woo hoo... mass ponning session. very very bad. i'm actually quite sorry for those 5 people and my form teacher...

my very enthu cousin smsed me and i felt really bad that i couldn't go and see him at OCS. i promised that i would during his graduation... quote me 'i would crawl there even if i was sick'. haha. yes. he said that there wasn't much to see over there anyway. so yay. guess i made the right choice to stay at home yeah?

yesterday i stayed back till like super late in school doing pw... yikes... i seriously can't wait for it to be over. but God has really been so good to me cos if i didn't stay back i wouldn't have been able to share with Ethel about how God has really been faithful to me. it was quite a good experience. and yes, God is always faithful no matter what.

i think God has been especially faithful to be the past few weeks. everytime i feel so discouraged He never fails to remind me that i can just rely on Him. and i can just be His little lamb, resting in the shelter of His mighty wings. i suppose it is when i realise how important i am to Him that i can feel like this... yea man... this knowledge is good. i think my next challenge is really to further put His words into actions. let's use an analogy: its like, a small lil girl who is carrying an extremely heavy schoolbag. then her dad says that he would carry the school bag for her so she won't be weighed down by it. so little girl is really happy, puts down the school bag and starts taking out the school books one by one, but then after she empties her schoolbag, she looks at the pile of school books notice how many they are and pickes them up, leaving the empty school bag. i guess sometimes its not so much that we don't believe in God. its just that believing is one thing, trusting and acting is another. a lot of times, the devil will put doubts in our hearts and cause us to think about it again. and it is really difficult sometimes to get such thoughts out of our heads. but i think its because we don't really know our God and how much He can really do for us. seriously, believing is one thing, knowing is another. if u believe something, it is on the level of trusting but if u know something, there is a suggestion of assurance and positivity towards that something. yup.

i guess for a person like me, thinking is the main problem. sometimes i hate myself for thinking so much. really. i admit, especially for people who have S as their major personality type, when u start to think and get EMO, you're a gonner, cos one thought will just lead to another and another and to no end. and that's how the devil will cast doubts in the hearts of those who do think so much. so now, i strive to instead of thinking too much about it, just commit everything into His hands because i KNOW that He is the master of all time and plans and He will make all things beautiful in His time, so why should i worry? yes, i am a very stupid little lamb. maybe that's why God called us to have child-like faith and not childish faith. just trusting and knowing that He will do everything to prosper us, like a lil kid who trusts that his/her dad will always want the best for him/her. and not childish, thinking that God is somewhere far away and would never be able to reach us when we see that our prayers are not immediately answered or when we are facing some really big trial in our lives.

i talked to F5 last night in like a 5 minute convo... yes, but 5 minutes is quite enough already. at least all 5 of us managed to catch up a lil bit with each other. nat and e will be going back to MG today to promote AC... like how unfair is that? but i believe that its all in God's plan and timing lar... tho i feel a lil bit disappointed, His will be done. :)

yup. okay. i have to go and study now... 18 days to promos? something like that... but i shall just do my best and study. okie dokes.

toodles.

testing

2005-09-14T17:33:00.000+08:00

hey... testing my new blog and template.